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Deep in smokey underbelly of some wretched tavern, exists a man. A spinner of tales, a poet of language. Also sadly companion-less. Being a Bard is no easy job, but despite it’s hardships; this particular style of Bard, doesn’t exactly lend to landing the tail night in and night out.

Sure, the wordsmithing naturally ascertains some attention from passers by who wish to partake in the listening of these masterfully written pros. But the human interaction starts and ends there.

Being a picky bastard doesn’t help either.

“Fuck.”, he belts out “I need a beautiful maiden to wrap her sultry warm lips around my bastard sword!” and promply smashes yet another bottle against the soaked wooden counter, which reeked of various kinds of booze. “Or any of you pricks will do”, as the man points and sweeps the room with his finger. As one may guess, gesturing an entire tavern of burly adventurers to strum your banjo, doesn’t land one many friends. And this particular asshole has been patronizing the patrons for a while it seems, as some may have very well had enough.

The man, plummets back down onto his stool, and begins to weep softly to himself: “I NEED ASS.” he screams out loud before slamming his face into the broken glass infused booze soaked counter. “‘Mate, ’ave ye looked at the stunner on tha’ Bounty board?” one of the patrons utters to the man in a moderately thick European accent. The man up, squinting through his drunken haze.

YES!! THAT’S IT!” he excitably bellows. “THAT’S THE ASS I NEED. RIGHT HERE” he gestures to his pelvis, making slight minute air humping notions. The bounty board picture is of a rather voluptuous maiden in need of rescuing for a handsome reward, but clearly he was not interested in the modest amount of cash and riches, but instead of the pleasures of the flesh. “I Must retrieve this maiden at once! And make her my play thing. But I cannot go alone, I surely won’t live! Who here is brave enough for in exchange of the rewards, will travel with me, to rescue this meat sleeve!”

(If no one steps up, invite with a “YOU THERE! What is your name!”)

(NOTE: hook in some way to introduce yourself, example:
“By the way brave adventurers, you can call me; Josh.”)

Armed with a set of brave adventurers, the group is now left with one question? Where do we go now?

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Josh's Quest for Ass KyleHarrison